Secretive Shame
by LaChoy
Summary: There was nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing ever happened. But the dark helped them in so many ways. HikaruxKaoru Twincest


**Disclaimer: Don't own Ouran High School Host Club**

_Notes: Greek legends are your friends. Or for me they were. xD _

* * *

So many people feared the dark. Nobody knew what was in it and the thought was frightening. But nobody ever thought of the better qualities of such a fearsome thing. It hid things. While it was bad, it was good. 

Who knew how it had begun because if you asked them, they would have pretended like they had no clue what you were talking about and glare. But they didn't know themselves.

All they knew that it had begun and it still hadn't ended.

They could have blamed puberty and they usually did. They'd never done it when they were little and so they blamed hormones. Kaoru blamed emotions _and_ hormones.

But they never told each other their ideas because they never talked about it. No, what happened at night never happened; no matter how many times they had done it. It didn't happen and why talk about something that doesn't exist?

It's the same routine. A shy touch, a kiss, more kisses, and then pleasure. Sometimes they change it for reasons unknown but it's still so reassuring. It's always in the dark. They don't say words but make sounds that make the entire thing more urgent.

When morning comes, they never speak a word about their nightly activities. They just begin a new day and talk about any pranks the other might have come up with. If a maid complains about stains that aren't there, then she's obviously a nut and needs to get fired.

There was no stain. There were no kisses, no moans, and definitely nothing sexual going on in the least bit. What kind of disgusting freak thought that? They would say and then laugh.

Nothing ever happened. **Nothing**.

xxx

One time at thirteen when their mother was home and had enough time to have breakfast with her sons, Kaoru asked a question.

"Hey, Mom, you know how animals mate with their family?"

Mrs. Hitachiin looks up, confused. "Yes. What about it?"

"Do you ever think they're ashamed?"

Hikaru stops eating for a minute and bit of a blush is on his face before he starts attacking his food with energy that hadn't existed before. A maid runs from the room and the twins' mother is still baffled; wondering if she was missing something important before answering.

"Well, no, I don't think so. They're animals and it's just something they do. Do animals even have emotions?"

Even when they all start discussing whether an animal can feel anything, Hikaru and Kaoru aren't looking at each other.

xxx

Hikaru can remember a Greek legend that Kaoru had told him once and Kaoru remembers the story too.

Psyche was a beautiful woman that was considered a goddess and when she was to be sacrificed, a god named Eros fell in love with her and saved her. She was sent to a castle where she got everything she ever wanted and at night, Eros took her as his lover but she never saw his face as it was hidden by the dark. She was told she could never see his face because if she did, he'd go away.

Kaoru thinks it's so much like them in the back of his mind and Hikaru thinks about it for a second before stomping the thought down.

While the dark was her enemy, it was their savior. Or maybe it was both, who knew.

But Psyche was tempted by her sisters. Who told her her lover was probably a monster and she _did_ light the lamp and he _did_ go away. And even if she got him back in the end, the real world didn't always allow happy endings.

The darkness hid the shame. If they lit an oil lamp, everything would go away and there would be no god to save them. It was much better to be taken in the arms of an invisible lover. Even if you knew exactly who the lover was and exactly how **wrong** it was.

But still, both would wonder.

xxx

They always helped each other, Hikaru would rationalize.

It's just hormones, Kaoru would excuse.

It still happened every night and every day they'd act like nothing was happening.

xxx

"So Kaoru was crying the entire night about being scared and grabbing on to me!" Hikaru laughs. It isn't true since they didn't watch a horror movie and Kaoru usually found them boring anyhow.

"H-_Hikaru_! I was only grabbing onto you because I feel so safe in your arms!" Insert uke-ish tears and girls start screaming as Hikaru says something about love and eternity.

They weren't ashamed by this at all. It was fake and why be ashamed of something fake? Hikaru hugs Kaoru and Kaoru blushes. But then all of the sudden they freeze and look at each other and both feel _something_.

They don't hug nearly as much during their act after that; no matter how much Kyouya threatens.

xxx

"_Hey, Kaoru?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_About, um, you know, uhh…"_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_Nothing. Nothing."_

"…_Yeah. Nothing."_

xxx

When they see the sun begin to go down, they both feel excited but they excuse it as they are simply tired. Entertaining girls is exhausting, even if it doesn't seem it. The justification pleases them enough that they don't feel as guilty.

They do their nightly routine. Brush their teeth, wash their face and put their pajamas on. They go on their side of the bed, say good night and lay there waiting.

It changes who begins it each night. Sometimes it's Hikaru because he just wants too badly and sometimes it's Kaoru because he wants to be reassured but it always starts. Always.

This night it's Hikaru who slowly moves his hand to Kaoru's thigh and goes slowly southward. When he finds his target, Kaoru turns over and begins to kiss Hikaru. Both forget who they are as they kiss and as Kaoru moves his hand to a place that makes Hikaru let out a strangled moan. At the moment, it doesn't matter who they are. They could be anybody at that point and they wouldn't care.

As always, it'll never have happened in the morning. They will say good morning, hug, and then go take a shower while the maids complain to each other about having to clean another stain _that doesn't exist. _

But every time night comes, and every time they do it, they'll both imagine what would happen if they turned the light on. Just once.


End file.
